"You said it, Ben. Uh… just what are we watching?"
"The semifinals from the Women's Topless Mud Wrestling Games in Munich. By the way, did you ever get those tickets for Laurie Anderson?"
"I'm working on it. Hope to have them sometime today."
"Today? So far, all we've done is watch sports on TV."
"I said I'm working on it. Also Sir Mix-A-Lot, Cracker and Chuck Mangione."
"We started with the Pro-Am Dwarf Bowling Competition from Brisbane."
"I know. That's when I bought my Arlo Guthrie tickets."
"Then we watched the Amateur Eye Gouging Finals from Budapest."
"I think that's when I bought my tickets for Tone Loc."
"After that we watched Extreme Trout Fishing from… Hey, wait a second, Joe, I haven't seen you move from that chair all day. Do you have someone buying all these tickets for you?"
"Just Spot."
"Spot? Your Keeshond? Are you saying that your dog is buying your concert tickets?"
"Sure. Hear that?"
"You mean that clicking noise?"
"Yeah. That's Spot logging on to Ticketmaster to buy tickets for Patti Austin."
"You've trained your dog to buy concert tickets?"
"Uh, uh. Listen... Now he's checking out the seating chart. Hear that? Sounds like he's giving them my credit card number and mailing address."
"What's that whirring sound?"
"He's printing out the confirmation. Oh, here he comes now. Bring it here, boy."
"Wow, Joe, Spot has to be the smartest dog in the world. He should be on Letterman."
"Yeah, he's one dog in a million. Here, Spot. Let me see that. Oh, no… Bad dog! Bad dog, Spot!"
"What's the matter?"
"He knows how much I hate sitting in the balcony."