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Tours de Farce: School Daze

01:00 AM Thursday 4/3/03 |   |

Worried about your children's education?

I used to lose sleep at night wondering if the public school system was doing enough for my children. Sure, they were pretty good about recess, gym and personal hygiene, but I was concerned that the teachers and administrators were not preparing my children for the future. That is, until I discovered the Pollstar.com Home School Network.

For the last ten years the Pollstar.com Home School Network has led the way in developing bright young minds and preparing children for the challenges facing them in this brave new world.

Those public school teachers may mention RX Bandits or Motorhead, but they never told my kids about Yerba Buena playing in Miami on May 10th or the current lineup for Vans Warped Tour. Now, I gotta ask you; do you want your children brought up this way?

It all starts with a thorough study of the basics. We'll teach your children about the major tours, like The Rolling Stones, Neil Young and ZZ Top. But it doesn't stop there. That's only the beginning.

I mean, what kind of teacher purposely ignores the summer season for the Greek Theatre in Los Angeles or the lineup for the Music Midtown Festival in Memphis? Thankfully, I discovered the Pollstar.com Home School Network before it was too late.

During the program's second year, your child will learn the basics about support-headliner relationships, including a comprehensive study of Esham The Boogieman opening for Bone Thugs 'N Harmony, the positions of Snoop Dogg and The Mars Volta on the Red Hot Chili Peppers tour and an all-inclusive seminar focusing on the concept of "An Evening With" as demonstrated by the Eagles and Gabe Kaplan.

Have you looked at those public school textbooks? I read the beginning algebra book cover-to-cover and didn't find one single example of how service charges are computed for Dionne Warwick and California Guitar Trio. And they have the gall to call that a "balanced education." Geeze Louise!

In grades three, four and five, your child will learn about geography by studying the routings for silverchair and 3 Doors Down; political science via the teachings of Crosby, Stills & Nash, and grammar, including the proper use of punctuation as exemplified by D.O.A., moe. and R.E.M.

And what kind of public school teacher ignores the Three B's? Thanks to the Pollstar.com Home School Network, my children know all about Bon Jovi, Boston and Bruce Springsteen. Those public schools should be ashamed of themselves.

Does your child need the Pollstar.com Home School Network? Try this simple test. When your son or daughter comes home from public school, ask him or her about the routings for Elliott and The Blood Brothers. If your child's answers don't suit your expectations, make that call today.

Thanks to the Pollstar.com Home School Network, my children know everything they need to know to become successful members of society. Buzz off, Yale! Screw you, Harvard!

The Pollstar.com Home School Network - Building strong minds for ten years. Or in the words of our headmaster, former Vice President Daniel Quayle; "What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."

Call today.

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