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Tours de Farce: Wishing Well

01:00 AM Sunday 3/16/03 | |

"Honey, I'm home, and you won't believe what happened to me at the Ticketmaster."

"Oh?"

"There I was at the drive-thru window, looking at the menu and trying to decide which tickets to buy."

"Like the #1 that comes with Boston, the #2 that combines Metallica with Limp Bizkit, Linkin Park, Deftones and Mudvayne, or the supersized Vans Warped Tour special that includes The Used, Glassjaw and The Ataris?"

Exactly. Anyway, there I was, trying to decide whether we wanted tickets for Jessica Andrews, or tickets for Local H, when I heard a rattle under the car seat."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I reached under and pulled out an old empty bottle of Grecian Formula."

"Grecian Formula? What are you doing with Grecian Formula?"

"Oh, it wasn't mine. Robert Blake must have left it in the car when I gave him a ride home after he made bail. Anyway, dusted off the bottle, and suddenly, the car was filled with smoke, and when it cleared, there was Christina Aguilera sitting in the passenger seat. At least, I thought it was Christina."

"You mean, it wasn't?"

"Nope. I was just about to ask for her autograph when she told me that she wasn't Christina. Instead, she said that she was the Genie of the Grecian Formula Bottle, and that she could grant me one wish."

"That's amazing! What did you wish for? I know, I'll bet you wished for those Heart tickets you've had your eyes on."

"That did cross my mind."

"Or those tickets for Leftover Salmon and Steve Earle. I've seen that look on your face every time we walk by the Ticketmaster display window."

"I thought about those as well, but before I could answer, the Genie told me that I had to make a choice."

"A choice? What do you mean?"

"She said I could have any tickets I want, including War, Cher and Johnny Marr & The Healers. Or, I could have immortality and everlasting youth."

"Gosh, that's a tough decision. If you picked the first one, you'd see a lot of great shows, but you'd eventually grow old and gray."

"I know."

"But if you picked immortality and everlasting youth, you could see concerts, like Morgan Heritage and Vic Chesnutt, for the rest of your life."

"Which would be forever."

"And that's a long time. Gee, you could see bands that aren't even bands yet. So, which did you choose?"

"I carefully considered each choice - all the tickets I want, including Paul McCartney, 50 Cent and Windham Hill Winter Solstice - or youth and immortality. And you know what? When I thought it all out, I realized that the proposition was strictly a no-brainer. I picked eternal youth and the chance to live forever."

"Honey!"

"Just kidding, my dear, just kidding. Here, take a look at this."

"Wow! Tickets for Cher, Richard Thompson and the Eagles! And... and... Is that a pair of tickets for The Rolling Stones? Oh, honey, I'm sorry I even doubted you. You always make the right decision."

"Don't I? And to think some people would have gone for the immortality."

"I know. It's a scary world, isn't it?"

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