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Tours de Farce: Say Uncle

12:00 AM Friday 10/18/02 | |

"Billy?"

"Yeah, Mom?"

"Look who has come to visit."

"Uh? Oh, wow! It's Uncle Henry! Hi, Uncle Henry!"

"Hello there, Billy."

"What did you bring me, Uncle Henry?"

"Uh… What?"

"What did you bring me? You always bring me a present, remember? Like last summer you brought me tickets for Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band."

"I know, Billy, but..."

"And when you came to visit last Memorial Day, you gave me tickets for Tracy Chapman and Nelly."

"I know, Billy, but..."

"And last Easter you gave me tickets for Saint Etienne and Lords Of Acid."

"Yes, Billy, I remember, but..."

"So, what did you bring me, Uncle Henry? Tickets for Bryan Adams?"

"Billy, this isn't easy for me to say."

"Lemme guess. Ryan Adams? That's okay, Uncle Henry. I guess."

"No, Billy, it's not Ryan or Bryan. You see, Billy, I didn't bring you any tickets."

"What? No tickets?? Whaaaaa!!!!"

"Oh, don't cry, Billy. You see, I retired last month and now I'm on a fixed income. Besides, since I'm no longer working, I can't skim the payroll account to buy you tickets for artists like Shannon McNally or bands like the Circle Jerks ."

"But... But... I want my tickets!!!"

"Okay, Billy. Tell you what. I'll go down to the bank tomorrow and take out a third mortgage on my home. That should be enough for Cher, Neil Diamond and Bob Dylan."

"Whaaaaa!! But... But I can't wait until tomorrow, Uncle Henry. It has to be today."

"Why does it have to be today, Billy?"

"Because tomorrow I have to go back to college."

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