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Tours de Farce: The Promise

12:00 AM Saturday 10/5/02 |   |

Where does the money go?

That's a fair question. Every time someone clicks on the dates for acts like Sing-Sing or Prince, another 50 cents drop into the Pollstar.com coffers. Sure it adds up. In fact, some estimates put our daily cash intake somewhere in the low seven figures. So it doesn't surprise us that some people are demanding an accounting. They want to know if all that money is put to good use.

Not to worry.

First of all, 10 percent of all funds gathered, whether it's from people clicking on Bon Jovi, Rainer Maria or Dismemberment Plan, go directly to Pollstar.com Ministries. Founded in 1912 by victims of the ill-fated Titanic Tour, this worthwhile organization is dedicated to bringing tour dates to underdeveloped countries. Each day our missionaries fearlessly brave plagues, floods, famines and less-than-perfect donuts in their noble quest to bring the latest schedules for The Beautiful Mistake, Before Braille and the Derek Trucks Band to places like Ethiopia, Somalia and Northern Canada. Yes, there's nothing like seeing the smiles on the poor starving children's faces when they're given up-to-date tour schedules for Yes and John Tesh. It will bring tears to your eyes.

Another 15 percent of our daily gross income goes directly to our Emergency Cancellation Teams. While no one likes to talk about it, it's a fact of life that tours do get cancelled. At a moment's notice, our professionally-trained teams are ready to fly to the four corners of the globe, whether it be Honolulu, Las Vegas, Monaco, Paris or even Rio De Janeiro, to comfort fans suddenly faced with the emptiness and inner sense of loss brought on by a sudden cancellation. Trained in grief therapy, as well as mouth-to-mouth reschedulization and CPR, our teams help those fans survive that sense of loss that often accompanies the dreaded notice, "Show cancelled. Refunds available at point of purchase." Right now our ECTs are handling the unexpected cancellation of Filter's tour. Word from the front says the survivors are "desperate, but hopeful."

Finally, there's the remaining 75 percent of our daily take, which goes back into the company in order to provide current schedules for artists such as Riddlin Kids and Ween. It takes more than machinery, manpower and good old fashioned American know-how to bring you these dates. It takes BMWs and Mercedes to track down dates for The Blasters and it takes plenty of Rolex watches, large-screen TVs and state-of-the-art entertainment systems to bring you dates for Peter Gabriel and Guns N' Roses. Sure it's a tough job, but someone… well, you know.

Where does the money go? As you can see, all funds collected by Pollstar.com go to worthy causes. Missionaries, Beemers, Playstations, they all cost money, and thanks to you, the Pollstar.com user, we have more than we need. You keep clicking on schedules like Tom Tom Club and Our Lady Peace and we'll keep raking in the loot and spending the dough. That's the Pollstar.com promise.

And you can take that to the bank.

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