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Tours de Farce: Listen N Learn

12:00 AM Thursday 9/19/02 |   |

Hey, with what's that racket I hear coming from Junior's room?"

Stealing from the major record labels is wrong.

That's no racket, Dear. That's a new Listen N Learn educational toy he brought home from school."

"Oh? What does it do?"

Matter of fact, swiping songs by Violent Femmes or Tori Amos off of the Net is more than wrong. It's a sin.

"I'm not really sure. All he does is turn it on and it speaks to him. However, it's sponsored by the RIAA so it must be good for him."

"Of course. After all, if you can't trust the RIAA, who can you trust?"

People who rip off Nappy Roots or Bernard Allison by downloading illicit copies of their songs off of the Net will suffer the eternal fires of Hell.

"Junior really loves his new educational toy. He's been playing with it since he came home from school."

You don't want to burn in hell, do you? Of course you don't.

"Say, Honey? Do you remember those Listen N Learn educational toys we had when we were kids?"

But what about your parents?

"I sure do. Especially that one sponsored by the Motion Picture Association of America. You know, the one that taught us that using a Betamax caused cancer?"

They could be downloading songs by Neil Diamond, Cher and The Rolling Stones right now. You don't want your parents to go to Hell, do you?

"That was my favorite Listen N Learn toy. After just one day of playing with that toy I never wanted to use a Betamax VCR."

But there is a way you can save your parents from the fire and brimstone fate that awaits them in the dark pit of damnation.

"You and millions like you, Dear. Thanks to the MPAA, we grew up in a Betamax-free world."

All you need to do is call your local RIAA copyright enforcement office and we'll do the rest.

"But do you know what I like best about Junior's new Listen N Learn toy? While he's in his room learning, we're free to do all the things we like to do. That is, if you catch my drift."

You do love you're parents, don't you? Show them how much you love them by preventing them from ripping off great acts like George Strait and The Warlocks.

"Heh, heh, heh. I'm reading you loud and clear, Honey. Why don't you slip into that little nightie I bought for you from Victoria's Secret, and I'll fire up the computer and log onto Kazaa."

Call your local chapter of the RIAA today.

"I'll be right there, Dear. Say... Is someone at the door?"

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