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Tours de Farce: Hot Chocolate!

12:00 AM Friday 7/26/02 | |

How do we do it?

Of all the communications we receive, of all the faxes, email, voice mail and court summons, the question is always the same; "How do we keep our collective heads above the incoming stream of dates for Chris Robinson, H2O and Graham Nash without going stark raving mad?"

The answer is simple. Chocolate.

It wasn't always like this. We used to gulp down power drinks, eat raw eggs and jolt ourselves with self-administered electric shocks in order to maintain the stamina needed to process the new tours for acts like Deicide and Rodney Carrington. We used to spend our break time lifting weights, running track and engaging each other in friendly rounds of bare-knuckle boxing. You know, just to keep that winner's edge.

But not anymore. Now we're riding on that Hershey Highway to success.

Time and time again unqualified studies constantly prove that a person who consumes one fourth of his (or her) body weight in chocolate can easily stay on top of the incoming data stream of dates for Slipknot, Cinderella and Colin Blunstone & Rod Argent Of The Zombies. However, further unscientific research shows that the chocolate intake must be constant, for the body needs a steady flow of Mother Nature's best in order to function. Chocolate in the morning, chocolate in the afternoon, chocolate 24/7 is what powers this company and enables each and every one of us to outperform our competitors when it comes to slamming dates for Slobberbone and Say Zuzu into our massive, yet sticky, concert database.

Yes, a person needs only to look around the Pollstar.com campus to fully comprehend the power of chocolate. From the 10 foot x 10 foot cocoa lick in the lobby to the I.V.s hanging above each and every cubicle delivering that precious milky-brown essence of life into our bodies, chocolate energizes us so that we can plug in dates for Willie Nelson, Tower Of Power and our own particular favorite, Vanilla Fudge. Chocolate rules and we gladly obey.

Now, if you will excuse us, we have a few more dates for Trout Fishing In America and Stephen Bishop to enter before we knock off for the weekend, not to mention that appointment with the guy from Guinness. You see, he's here to measure the size of our pimples for his company's book of world records and we have to make sure they don't pop before he gets here.

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