In fact, we've been handling tour dates since 1931 and if any of these listings, such as the routings for Fu Manchu or Slayer, were actually harmful, we'd... we'd... Look out! Here they come again! The giant ostriches flapping their leathery wings while their lizard-like tongues dart in and out, looking for fresh meat! Duck! For the love of God, duck!
Whew! That was close. Now, where were we? Oh, yeah, tour dates. As you can plainly see, all these tour dates, like the ones for Indigo Girls and Third Day, are perfectly harmless. Of course, it's up to each and every one of you to make your own decisions. You can abstain from the schedules for Randy Travis and Philip Bailey and have a brain that's totally tour-date free. Or you can dive right in and read the 56,000 or so dates for bands like Joe Satriani, Dream Theater and Maxwell and have a brain like ours. And as you can see... Oh, oh, Lock the doors, everybody! The squirrels are massing. And they're vengeful! Grab the guns! Lock and load! Pass the ammunition and... and... Oh, never mind. They're gone. We're safe. We think.