Average Ticket Prices
Iron & Wine $33.70      Jason Aldean $48.35      Disclosure $27.15      ZZ Top $65.12      Kirko Bangz $22.78      The Avett Brothers $45.58      Joe Satriani $61.58      Katt Williams $59.78      Steve Earle $44.74      Salute To Vienna $73.49      Break Science $16.80      Steve Aoki $36.77      Karl Denson's Tiny Universe $25.85      "DigiTour" $24.95      Trivium $22.54      Dailey & Vincent $24.72      Justin Timberlake $114.99      Amos Lee $42.13      Title Fight $14.11      Chiodos $17.02      Lyle Lovett $61.69      Railroad Earth $25.98      "So You Think You Can Dance" $52.82      Against Me! $18.96      Cut Copy $27.68      Drake $78.84      Dark Star Orchestra $27.93      The 1975 $19.72      Celtic Thunder $60.71      Bill Cosby $58.31      Sleeping With Sirens $22.73      Odesza $11.96      Chris Tomlin $28.31      The Head And The Heart $26.94      Styx $44.87      Lionel Richie $71.10      Hunter Hayes $36.43      Keb' Mo' $43.96      Hank3 $20.88      The Wild Feathers $14.17      Caked Up $19.95      Paper Diamond $20.20      Get The Led Out - The American Led Zeppelin $28.00      Kings Of Leon $54.48      Killswitch Engage $35.71      Nickel Creek $40.38      Theresa Caputo $67.12      Young The Giant $27.24      Tech N9ne $29.01      Tesseract $14.70      
See all average ticket prices

Tours de Farce: May The Farce Be With You

12:00 AM Friday 5/24/02 |   |

"Honey, I'm home. And you won't believe what happened to me at the Ticketmaster."

"Oh?"

"I was trying out their new service, the Ticketmaster Buffet."

"You mean that service where they don't have any clerks? The one where you help yourself to tickets for shows like Concrete Blonde and Abra Moore, and then the cashier rings up the sale at the end of the line?"

"That's the one. Their main entrees were the arena acts, like Britney Spears and KORN. Plus, they had club show side orders such as Link Wray, Jackpot and Allison Moorer."

"Hmmm... Yummy."

"You said it. And the desserts were unbelievable! The Stones at the Wiltern in Los Angeles, and those radio station festival delicacies, like the WBCN River Rave, or the KIIS-FM Wango Tango."

"Stop it! You're making me hungry just thinking about it."

"That's only the half of it. They also had a carving station where the chef was slicing off the most tantalizing tickets for Cher. And the tickets were prepared just the way you like 'em."

"Well done in the middle with a little marbling along the edges?"

"You got it."

"That sounds like a great service. But you said something happened while you were there. What was it?"

"I was getting to that. There I was, my tray filled with tickets for Alanis Morissette, Janis Ian and Manhattan Transfer, standing in line waiting for my turn to pay, when there was a commotion at the cashier's station."

"Oh, my. I hate it when that happens."

"Doesn't everybody? It seems the guy ahead of me in line didn't have enough cash to pay for all his tickets, like Moby's Area2 and Robert Plant. And the guy was begging the cashier to let him slide until next week."

"Really? The nerve of some people."

"But that's not all. I was standing behind him, and I had this feeling that he looked familiar. And sure enough, when he turned around, I found myself face to face with George Lucas."

"The filmmaker? The man who made Howard the Duck?"

"None other. You see, he said that he had just released a new movie, and that he always likes to celebrate a new release by going on a ticket binge after the opening weekend. So, he loaded up his tray with tickets for Eagles in Fargo and Neil Diamond in Albany."

"And he didn't have enough money to pay for it all? I find that hard to believe."

"Believe it. You see, the weekend estimates were off on his new flick. The studio originally estimated that it made around $117 million, but it turns out that it made only $110.2 million."

"Poor baby. No wonder he didn't have enough cash to pay for his tickets. What happened next?"

"I'm telling you, honey, the man was desperate. He had all these tickets on his tray, including choice seats for Tim McGraw and Prince, and not enough cash to pay for them. That's when he made me the offer."

"Oh? What offer?"

"He said he'd give me points on his current movie, plus fifty percent of the profits on the next sequel, if only I'd pay for his tickets."

"But that sounds like a great offer. After all, George Lucas is one of the most successful moviemakers of all time."

"I know."

"Just think of all the tickets we could buy with a deal like that! We could get tickets for Cake's Unlimited Sunshine Tour and the B.B. King Blues Festival."

"And Celine Dion in Las Vegas."

"So, did you take him up on his offer?"

"Well, I didn't have enough cash to pay for both my tickets and his, but I figured, what the heck? After all, he's George Lucas. He's good for it. In fact, I had already pulled out my wallet and was counting out the bills, when I realized something."

"What's that? Oh, wait a minute. He wasn't talking about that movie series with -"

"That's right. The one with Jar Jar Binks."

"Oh, honey, you didn't give him our ticket money, did you?"

"Of course not. After all, my mamma didn't raise no fools."

Comments