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Tours de Farce: All That We Can Be

01:00 AM Thursday 3/21/02 | |

Sorry we're late.

But all of us highly-trained, overfed Pollstar.com execs have been hard at work, taking meetings, doing lunches and accumulating valuable face to face time with our image consultants in order to launch our latest promotion so that we may go for the gold of tour date gathering.

For you see, we've learned that it's not enough to present the latest tours such as Lee Rocker and Eyes Adrift in a semi-logical order based upon the Gregorian calendar. In order to compete in this madcap, whirlwind, gone in 60 seconds Internet world we must try harder than number two, else you, the viewing public, will end up massing outside our Fresno compound, waving flaming torches, demanding that we stop the insanity, while at the same time screaming, "Where's the beef?"

Yes, even tour dates need a catch phrase, a slogan that uniquely sums up all the time and effort spent on ensuring that our listings, such as Cyndi Thomson and Billy Gilman are good to the last drop. And despite the cuts and bruises inflicted upon us by the unforgiving tour aficionados of the Net, we take a lickin' but you keep on clickin' in your quest to customize your own live music agenda, so that you may have it your way.

You want dates for Sean Costello and Leftover Salmon? We got em. For example, take the schedule for INXS. That's one you don't want to leave home without. Or the new routing for K.C. & The Sunshine Band. You won't believe you read the whole thing.

But we need something more than just the ability to say this Judd's for you. We need an all-encompassing cliché that denotes that you're in good hands with Pollstar.com. For when it comes to tour dates, we've learned that a little dab won't do ya, and when browsing the dates for Tinsley Ellis and Vans Warped Tour 2002, you really do deserve a break today. After all, how else can you reach out and touch someone?

So we'll keep at it. We'll keep searching, heck, we'll even walk a mile for that ultimate slogan that properly represents our philosophy of bringing good tours to life. Yes, whether the dates for Mary Gauthier come from the land of sky blue waters or the schedules for Kudzu Kings and Slayer prove to be the pause that refreshes, we've learned that the closer you get, the better we look. And we'll keep looking for that special phrase that describes our little piece of heaven on the Net, otherwise known as the choice of a new generation.

Besides, you only go around once in life, and you gotta grab for all the Guster you can get.

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