Now that Valentine's Day is safely in the past, as we count up the missives of eternal love expressed through pithy, sophomoric poetry written on glossy fragments of cardboard, we can't help but wonder if overwrought emotions and sexual longings have a place in a world where Little Feat is playing Chicago on July 12.
Shakespeare often wrote of love and love lost, but even the Bard of Avalon knew nothing of the schedules for Morbid Angel and Zony Mash, nor did he have a neighborhood Ticketmaster outlet and its worldly clerks to counsel him in the ways of amour. For if he did, Juliet would have settled for nothing less than tickets for Kids In The Hall, and Romeo would have been forced to express his love for her by sweetly whispering into her ear; "How do I love thee? Let me count the onsales for Green Day and Blink 182."
But can routing schedules, such as the new listings for Wide Mouth Mason and Memory Dean, take the place of the perpetual heat that a couple feels for one another amidst the remnants of torn clothing and empty Night Train bottles found in a Motel 6 during the noon hour rush? Sure, passion and eternal loyalty have their places in this world, but one must not overlook the significance of having front row ducats for The O'Jays if one is to survive this day-to-day struggle known as humanity.
Are tour dates more important than love? Consider: The schedule for Chemical Brothers will always respect you in the morning, the routing for Dog Fashion Disco, will never break a promise to call you the next day, and the dates for Lizzy Borden will never misrepresent a serious medical condition as nothing more than a common cold sore. Can love make such claims? Hardly.
So let the poets pen words of love, for they are reaching into the depths of their souls for explanations of why they never had good seats for Neil Diamond to quench the perpetual flames of carnal desire that lies wanting in their hearts. We'll continue to respect the importance of the show dates for Roger Waters and the casino dates for Joan Jett & The Blackhearts. For a tour itinerary, whether it be for Don Edwards or BlackHawk, is what really makes this wacky world go 'round.
In other words, we'll distribute the schedule for Jerkstore far and wide, thus spreading the joyous devotion the concert industry has for each and every one of us, for we know not what love is, but we do know that Nelly Furtado is playing in New York on March 4. In other words, we may never experience the emotional cravings for companionship and sexual healing, but we have the dates for Maureen McGovern and Ronan Tynan to placate us as we bring you the finest concert schedules to be found on this rock floating between Venus and Mars.
In other words, while we still can't get a date for those nights when the routing for Moonspell hits your eye like a big pizza pie, we have the schedules for Dave Matthews Band, Anti-Flag and Rhonda Vincent & The Rage. And that's amore.