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Tours de Farce: You Gotta Serve Somebody

12:00 AM Thursday 1/10/02 | |

We had to put one of our servers down the other day.

We didn't want to, but there are times when one does what one must, and as of 6:45 a.m. yesterday, Pollstar.com server #5491 faded into tour date history.

Nicknamed PAAL for Pollstar.com Artificial, Anal-retentive Life form, the server had performed admirably since it was first activated in 1943. However, too many holiday parties and backstage soirees finally took its toll on the big fella, causing it to crash amidst a pile of new dates for Snoop Dogg, Voices On The Verge and Southern Culture On The Skids.

But PAAL was more than just a series of flashing lights, vacuum tubes, and Silly Putty. PAAL was our friend and companion, not only storing the dates for Mighty Mighty Bosstones and Lennon, but often advising us on life's cancellations, postponements and service charges as well.

Oh, the business acumen PAAL possessed! Displaying an absolutely uncanny sense of economic cause and effect, he'd wade through The Wall Street Journal every day, picking stocks, selling short, and advising us on the proper way to conduct hostile takeovers as he diligently stored the dates for Jethro Tull and Honeymoon Suite. Yes, our 8 track tape factory, our quadraphonic stereo company, even our investment in Napster all came from our friendship and companionship with PAAL.

Strange, but if we close our eyes, we can still here PAAL's voice echoing throughout the corridors of the Pollstar.com campus, usually after our noontime lunches of liver and onions washed down by tequila shooters. PAAL colloquialisms such as "I'm Hungry! Feed me more dates for Edwin McCain!" or "That does not compute!" and "Danger! Danger!" all bring back great memories of our clanking friend.

And now he's gone, cast off to the trash heap behind our central complex, where no more will he store dates for X-Ecutioners or Point Of Grace, his days of serving the public with the latest additions for Martina Sorbara or the new routing for Gov't Mule finally drawing to a close. Goodbye old buddy, old chum. We'll miss you.

But wait! Our sales department says they have a new use for PAAL. They say they can rebuild him, make him better than he was before. They say, that while he can never store dates for The New Deal or Agnostic Front again, he can still make a contribution to the Pollstar.com family. Just a little plastic tubing, a container to hold water and a bowl placed firmly on the side, and voila! Guess that just goes to show you that there are second chances in life.

And good old PAAL may be bonged, but he's not forgotten.