Average Ticket Prices
Zac Brown Band $51.87      Beats Antique $21.73      Alton Brown $50.38      The Fab Four - The Ultimate Tribute $31.94      Jazz At Lincoln Center Orchestra With Wynton Marsalis $53.77      Austin Mahone $43.19      Demi Lovato $46.26      Zoé $35.20      "Experience Hendrix" $66.26      Macklemore & Ryan Lewis $40.10      Sevendust $25.24      Paper Diamond $20.20      Lady Antebellum $56.27      Kanye West $85.60      Chevelle $27.51      Drive-By Truckers $26.85      John Hiatt $59.41      Ingrid Michaelson $29.27      Alice In Chains $48.91      Crosby, Stills & Nash $71.21      Zoso - The Ultimate Led Zeppelin Experience $15.87      Bryan Adams $55.38      Ron White $50.99      Keb' Mo' $44.12      Dark Star Orchestra $27.91      Sleeping With Sirens $22.73      The Time Jumpers $27.77      Jeff Dunham $48.81      Cher $90.04      Phish $56.64      Backstreet Boys $49.34      Trans-Siberian Orchestra $54.20      Dr. Dog $23.93      Eli Young Band $28.77      Hank3 $20.91      Gavin DeGraw $37.60      Tobymac $31.92      Chris Tomlin $28.31      Greensky Bluegrass $18.88      Michael Bublé $85.47      Theresa Caputo $67.15      Goo Goo Dolls $44.65      Steep Canyon Rangers $56.68      A Day To Remember $36.59      Old Crow Medicine Show $36.34      Rain - A Tribute To The Beatles $48.51      Neko Case $34.58      Willie Nelson $59.21      Shakey Graves $14.48      Yonder Mountain String Band $27.53      
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Tours de Farce: Tours For The Socially Impaired

12:00 AM Friday 10/27/00 |   |

It's raining here today. How's the weather where you are? That's just a polite question. We don't really want to know. We know far too much about you already. No one here would cry if your e-mail program caught a nasty virus.

As much as we enjoy hearing from you, we are not your special friend. Maybe you should go to a Eric Clapton show and meet some actual people.

That's not your thing? How about a Unified Theory concert? Perhaps you'll find some like-minded pals there.

So, yes, there are big puddles in the parking lot and ... what was that? It's so wet there you're afraid that fungus will never heal? How unfortunate. Try treating it with The Harlem Globetrotters. Remember to stay dry and take plenty of The Superjesus.

Ooooh, you have windburn where? Ouchie! Hope the flaking and burning doesn't interfere with your social life. You might want to apply some Child Of The Promise to ease the stinging.

This would be a good time to check out some club shows with The Clarks. Nightclubsare dark and no one has to look at your scaly flesh.

Hold on a second. Your significant other has informed us that your real problem is a ratherpersonal kind of viscosity breakdown. We kindly suggest couples' therapy and the liberal use ofEngelbert Humperdinck.

On the other hand, maybe it would be best if you isolated yourself until your "condition"improves. We understand that complete separation from people and all forms of communicationcan be very enlightening. We'll rely on your formidable telepathic powers to keep us apprized ofthe situation. No need to e-mail. Really.

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