Hi. It's me, Irving. The newest employee at Pollstar.com.
So far, everything's going my way. I've shown my boss I can brown nose with the best of them. I've been pulling double shifts, entering dates for Tina Turner, No Doubt and Rage Against The Machine.
I've also been scraping the mold off the walls in the CEO's sauna and checking everyone's hard drives for nasty emails and Web porn. Yes, I've been busy. A regular Mr. Do-It-All. That's me.
I've even been answering a few emails. For instance, Peggy, age 13 from Essexville, Michigan writes, "Dear Pollstar: Why doesn't 'N Sync come to my town?"
Let's see, how should I answer this one? "Dear Peggy: The reason 'N Sync doesn't come to your town is simple. They just plain don't like you. They never have and they never will.
"In fact, the last time I talked to Lance, all he did was complain about what a loser you are. Sincerely, Irving. P.S. By the way, you're also adopted, and your parents can give you back to the orphanage any time they choose."
Gee. Not only is this a swell job, but I think I've made a new friend as well. Oh, look at the time. Gotta get back to work. Not only do I need to update a couple of my favorites, Cannibal Corpse and Destruction, I also have to answer a few more emails before I leave. Yes, I've been busy, but you know what they say.
No rest for the wicked.